Today was very interesting. February 1, 2010, I was at work...doing My Crime Fighting thing and next thing you know....I'm in the Office...energy zapped. Two days later...I'm in Emergency...106 temp...I'm sick. I'm poked and poked and next thing you know...two surgeries on My left ankle.
Pain? Oh....I have felt some pain. Eight weeks in the Hospital...level 10 plus pain. Drugged. X rays, Cat scans, Ultra Sounds. Even had a camera shoved down My throat to check my Heart valves.
Thru it all.....I didn't shed a tear. Even when they told Me Amputation might be the only solution....
I shed...NO tear.
One week after getting discharged from the Hospital...I'm back to work with a fuckin I.V. pump strapped to Me.
6 more weeks of antibiotics. Not a single...Tear.
My Boss fucks Me and fucks up My insurance...
I get pissed. But....No Tears.
Even now...with this crazy painful Arthritis...I suck up the pain...I deal with it. I keep on moving. I keep on...striving.
But today.....I ...partially...Broke.
I was out today...handling My business. Ankle was not...acting right. By the time I got home and put it up....the pain was set in. No pain pill can ease it...it is..what it is.
After being off it for about an hour...it locks up. So....I try to take a nap.
Didn't work.
So....I'm watching Charlie's Angels Full Throttle and suddenly....
I get this...feeling.
The picture gets blurry cause My eyes are filling with water.
I'm getting this...urge...to burst out in tears...and I'm tripping cause... I'm watching CHARLIE'S Angels.. Nothing..emotional bout that movie.
Next thing I know....tears are flowing and I'm feeling like I'm about to let it all out. (I kinda wanted to....needed to)
The pain is shooting through My foot like someone is nailing Me to a frickin tree.
Tears are really flowing..... but .....I'm not letting go. Don't know why.
This goes on for about 15 mins...but felt like 45 mins...and then....
Eyes dry up. Pain lightens. I'm confused....and now...
I gotta turn from Charlie's Angels...cause....something ain't right bout that Movie. hahahahaha
I know I have a Crush on Drew Barrymore.... but damn. hahahaaha.
So...I just had a Partial Break.
All these Months of Holding it in.....is slowly coming to a head.
Like...an Emotional Volcano.... slowly building up....to erupt.
That was some crazy Emotional shit.
This has been....
Day 3.
Not sure what happened. I had left a comment.. but know your held tight..
ReplyDeleteHugs and much peace
Beloved, crying is.....cleansing. Let go. Go into your emotional "closet", pack up your emotional "baggage ", head for your emotional "airport ", and let your tears take flight. Lose control....let GO!!!! I promise you.....you won't ....."break" ~ Tami
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