Emanuel

I was formed....and given the breath of life from the Almighty.


I was given the knowledge of the Pharaohs.  The wisdom of Solomon...and the Strength of Samson.


I placed a Ring around Saturn and Married the Solar System.  


I've walked with Angels.


Talked with Prophets.


Traveled to the Heavens and saw Paradise.


I speak with one voice..but in Many tongues.


I am magnificent.


I am amazing.

I am the light in the eye of GOD.


I am all these things and so much more....


So...


I deserve sooo much more.


To settle for less...


Would make Me less...


that what GOD has made Me.


And this....


is the truth.


E.

NOCTURNAL DAYLIGHT

Esoteric Dreams of things...so real it seems.. to be drawn by invisible hands on ghostly canvas.


Visions of kisses and laughter never felt and never heard...but somehow...the imprint is stained on the fragile layer of the Hearts skin.


Wanting what is...but receiving what was. And neither satisfies the hunger that the soul desires...


Looking into eyes that show love...but their lips speak otherwise.  Is there truth..within the lies.


Or is all this.....around Me a...disguise.


A shapeless entity taken Human form, dancing on the strings of My emotions and filling My mind with intoxicating music of illusions.


And...I dance.


And...I dance.


I dance with the Devil...to the sounds of Angelic tunes.  Spinning freely and wildly around the room....


Till all around Me is nothing but a blur. 


And blackness fills the room as if God blew out the candle of My Cerebral visions and I stand in the midst of My own self....


Folding the fabric of space..and time...


Reconnecting with My mind.


No longer there.


But not quite here.


Esoteric Dreams...


of what never was....


but I touched it....


I felt it...


because its branded in My...Soul.


E.c  27012012

KNOWING

Knowing and not knowing...is a crazy thing to know.  And what's more crazier..is that I know..but I don't really know because even though I know... I can't say I know, cause...I what I know isn't from knowing..its from knowledge.


See.. knowledge is knowing without being told you know.  So..you really don't know..but you do know..thru knowledge.


And I...have knowledge.


So...you don't have to tell Me I know..and I really don't have to know...cause I know...from the knowledge..I know.


Cause...life...its consists of patterns.  Day turns to Night. Night turns to Day. Noon is always at Noon and Midnight is always at Midnight.  


And when these patterns suddenly change....when...Noon comes at 12:05 and Midnight comes at 12:10, when Things that were..are things that aren't....


You don't have to be told you know..the difference. You don't have to know...you know there is a difference.  Knowledge..will show you..there is a difference. Therefore..knowledge...is the knowing.


And right now... I'm knowing.  And what I know...I know...cause...Knowledge tells Me so.


So...although I'm knowing..that I don't know...  I know..cause knowledge tells Me so.


Ya know?

ONE DAY..SOME DAY

One day...and I  do not know when...  This life will end...and a new..will begin.  I will cross over...to a place never seen by Human eyes.  A place I yearn for..yet fear..and I don't know why.  Maybe it's the unknown.  Maybe it 's the thought of being all alone.  Wondering in a space...a unfamiliar place. Searching.  Searching for the Light...to guide Me.


Or will it all...be....Dark.


One day..and I don't know when.  I will have to stand accountable...for all My sins.  All the things I did...and never had a second thought.  Thing I did..and never got caught.  


Now..I'll have to own up to it all.


When I hear that call.


And see My last Sunset or Sunrise.  When I will forever close My eyes.  As My Soul lifts to the sky...


This life....  it will end.


My new life... it will begin.


One day.


Some day.


But not...to day.


E.c. 20122612

T.l.E.o.A.v.R.e.S. (Tears of Love.)

Tears...


Fall like rain.  But not from pain.  


Tears...


I have shed for so many years.


Heavy is the load I must bear.  It takes so much...to love..to care.  But this is what GOD has charged Me to do.


To take a dark cloudy day...and make it sunny and blue.  To absorb the negative..and replace it with the positive.


Both loved and hated..


Always Underrated.  


But I love anyway.  I loved yesterday..and I'll love today.


Tears...flow like...the rapids of a river.


When I look at this world...I begin to shiver.


Where is that love for one another.  That Mother love...that love for Sister and Brother.


It would be best to drink a poison potion...
than to show....emotion.


When did Love become a weakness.


When did Love become a Myth.


How did we forget...


Love..is a gift.


As I stand on the frontline...I'm a easy target.


But I'll fight for Love...cause We should never forget.


Love...is a part of the soul.


A living...entity


Tears...


I wish you could see...


These Tears are for you...


and not....


for Me.


E.c. 20120125

DEAR DIARY (THE THROWBACK)

Dear Diary,


I had such a awesome weekend.  I went to see Red Tails with My friends. She's sooo fuckin awesome.  We have this.. like..Romantic Comedy type relationship...


like..you know... if she wasn't like..My friend...she'd be like..the perfect girlfriend.


She's soooo awesome and cute and smart. And she doesn't know..but sometimes when we are out and she gets up to go to the potty...   


I smell her seat.  Geeee...she smells good too. hehe.


Soooo...Red Tails was like...this totally cool movie about Black Pilots back during WWII.  I think they did a really good job making the movies.  Terrance Howard should get a nomination for his acting.  He's sooo intense.


Today.. I went to Gamestop.  I was only going to get one game but they had this buy 2 get one free thingy going on so...I ended up coming home with 3 games.  I'm so stoked.  I haven't played any of them yet cause when I got home...I kinda fell asleep.


Its really been a nice weekend.  Lots of fun and no stress.  And that..is a good thing.


Well Diary... I guess I better go.  I'm hungry and don't really know what I want to fix to eat.


later gater.

A FUCK...I DON'T GIVE(A joint...joint.) Jul 28, '08 11:18 AM

I don't give a fuck about what you think.


I don't give a fuck..if your shit don't stink


I don't give a fuck that one plus one equals two....


I don't give a fuck about me....
so ya know...
I don't give a fuck about you.



I don't give a fuck about all the shit on the news


I don't give a fuck about your political views


but I do give a fuck about good
Jazz


and good Blues.


So...I guess I do...give a fuck.



I don't give a fuck about gossip'n hoes


I don't give a fuck about wearing "popular" clothes.


I wonder what happened...to the Counting Crows....


oh...I'm talking bout not givin a fuck. haha.



I don't give a fuck about a Fat or a Skinny Bitch.


I don't give a fuck about those..who make my balls itch.


I got love for the Poor....
and Fuck...the Rich.


Cause..I...don't give a fuck.



I don't give a fuck about Baby Mommies


I don't give a fuck if you shave your punany


But I do give a fuck...about making...money.


Sooooo....I guess.....I can...give a fuck.



I dont' give a fuck if you do...or don't tell.


I don't give a fuck about going to Hell.


What the fuck is the difference....
between a Motel....and a Hotel???


The answer to that???
I don't give a fuck.



I don't give a fuck if you like what I write.


I don't give a fuck....if you think I'm wrong...
when I "know"...I'm right.


Fuck with me..at the wrong time of day..or..night...


and I'm on the next flight.


And you'll know...just how much...
I
don't


give


a


Fuck.




copyright 2008, Emanuel Chrisentary

WALKING WITH...WE.

I took a walk. And had a talk with Myself the other day.


We discussed love and life..and life and death...and death and resurrection.


I never knew just how much I appreciated Me.  How much I looked up to Myself.  I never thought...I..would be My greatest role model.


We shared dreams of the future...and we reminisced about all the crazy shit we did in the past...and how some of those crazy moments...actually helped to mold us into what and who we are today.


I reminded Myself of things We did...that I had forgotten about.


And it was then...when I realized... GOD was with Us sooo many times in Our life.  GOD watched over Us..and kept Us safe.  Cause...We were doin way too much some times.  And...We didn't give a fuck...like We do now.


I remember looking at My face.  No longer young and care-free looking.  I look older. Wiser. More...relaxed and at peace.  I don't have that..."I've been to hell and back" look.  More like.....


"I saw the burning bush..and went up the Mountain....and spoke to GOD"...kinda look.  A look of Wisdom.  A look of Knowledge that can only be given by the Most High.


Even My voice...had changed.  Not as Loud. Not as...childish.  Not....full of bullshit and senseless gibberish.


My voice had...strength.  It has a echo of....power to it.  It had..patience.  It was both....two edge sword.. and instrument of peace.


As We walked together...laughing and talking.  Enjoying the warmth of the Sun  and the coolness of the breeze...


We came to a fork in the road.


I looked at Me.


and...


Me looked back.


And...without uttering a word.


We continued our walk...


but on different paths.


We didn't say goodbye...cause We both knew that one day...We'd cross paths again and once again....


We would take a walk.


and ....


Have a talk.


E.c. 19012012

HOMAGE TO THE "V" (Warning..EXPLICIT CONTENT)

As she walks in the door... I greet her with a kiss. Running My hands over the side of her body...felling every curve...every dip..every layer of her soft...warm...flesh.

I take her face in My hands...as I kiss her lips.  Tasting her tongue...sucking on her bottom lip.

Like a sexual Ninja...I silently..and quickly.. unzip her pants and pull them down around her ankles.

As...I kneel before her...as to worship that
"V" shaped mound of flesh.. I press My nose against the fabric of her panties...

and I.... Deeply...In..hale.

The aroma of her moist..warm...pussy fills My nostils.. and rushes to My head..where it fills My brain with desire.

Not wanting..to wait..  I pull the fabric to the side...and press My lips against the lips of the "V".  Using My tongue to part them...so I can...softly lick...the clit.

I feel her knees get weak...I hear her breath get deep.  But I continue to taste and lick and lick and taste as I slowly insert finger into the hole of the "V"...and find that spot...

and as I lick the clit..and manipulate that spot...her body begins to shake...

moans escape lips...

and suddenly....

a flood of sweet, sticky...slightly pungent fluid flows from the "V"...

and baptizes My face with its thick sweetness.

She's weak now.

She's...light headed and confused.

As I take her by the hand...and lead her to the bedroom...

Where I will take her to a place...

she both...

desires..

and 

fears.

The "V"...is calling Me.

E. 18012012

130 IN DA MORNIN (WIDE AWAKE BLOG)

Soooo..Its like..130 in the morning and I'm up like Chuck.  Awake like Blake. 


And...I'm drinking Me coffee and thinking about things. 


Like:  I posted on FB talking about getting married before the world ends.  And...I got ta thankin....


Can I do the marriage thing for the third time?  One was ok.  Two was REALLY GOOD.  But...can three really be a charm?


Cause...  I've been living alone since 1995, and that...is a long..assssssss time.  A LONG ASS time.


I'm so used to My own space. And My freedoms and having shit in My house...My way.  


I mean...now..when I have company..I don't trip cause..its a temporary stay.  Soon they will be gone and its back to...ME and MY home.  I can strip down and scratch My ass and fart and burp and not give a flyin shit. hahahaha


To have someone around 24/7, 365 days.. and  having to share...spaces and... have to compromise on certain...housekeeping issues.  I don't know. That will take a lot to adjust to.  Like...I fold a towel one way..and they fold a towel another way. Or...they want the bathroom to be Pink and Yellow.  Pink and Yellow?  Nawwww.  Gotta have some Male..Testicles kinda color up in there too. hahahaha.  And on that note...  I'm used to the toilet seat being UP...  it may seem small..but to wake up in the middle of the night...and go to take a piss..and I have to raise the frickin seat???   WTF????  too much to do when you're half sleep..holding your dick...and ya gotta piss.


But the even more insane thought I have on this issue is;....


I love..the concept and thought of being Married.  but...


why can't they live in their place...and I live in Mine...and we visit and kick it at each place equally???  hahaha.


But...then... I guess they would want a key to My place.


ack!


But...I guess.. for the right one...with the right vibe..and that magical cootchie....


I'd make a few...concessions. hahaha


Ahhh.....yeah...  magical cootchie will make Me give up the house keys and the code to the security gate. hahaha.


Hell...magical cootchie would make Me deal with a Pink and Yellow bathroom.


not!


I will not share any domicile with any pink color.


I just...can't...do that.


magical cootchie or not.


hahaha.


ok.... time to go game.


I'll ramble on this shit all night long and still make no sense.


fin.

THE "I DON'T HAVE A TITLE FOR THIS BLOG" BLOG.

The day the Lord spoke My name into existence...


I became a living soul.


My eyes began to see.  My hands...began to feel.  My feet...took steps..toward My future.  I began to feel and to think..and learn...and...forgive.


I learned pain.  I learned Joy.  I felt anger. I felt Love.  I felt loneliness.  I felt....pressure.


I found love.  I found peace. I found that My friends...can also be My enemies...and My enemies..and at times...be My best friends.  I saw life born...and I saw Death come claim its souls.


I traveled from land to land.  I saw wonders that made Me stand in awe of its beauty.  I learned about "life" beyond My birth place.


I've read books.  I've listened to teachers teach.  I've sat in Houses of Religion and listen to the Leaders speak for My God...but..their words weren't of...My God.


I looked into the Mirror and saw who I really was.  What I've become on this journey.  I've accepted My shortcomings..and I've embraced My strengths..  I opened My mind to accept knowledge foreign to Me.  I've learned to accept everyone for who..and what they are despite what I...in My own world...feels is right..or wrong.


For..who am I...to judge.  


My purpose is to Live..Learn...Grow..and share the Love and Knowledge given to Me by GOD.


And when...in those times..that My patience..and My peace is tested.  I've learned to fight for what I stand for..but if it falls on deaf ears...  I silence My speech..and continue My journey.


Why waste time...when I have soooo much more to do in this Lifetime.


The day the Lord spoke My name into existence...


My sails were raised...and My journey begun.


And I have enjoyed every joyful, painful, confusing, exhausting, mind bending, mood altering, love filled, anger filled, surprising, blessed, cursed, tried, tested, let down, picked up, passionate and GOD filled minute of it.


And I look forward...to seeing so much more...and learning so much more...and loving so much more...


Till the wind dies....and My sail fall...and...


GOD speaks My name one final time...


and calls Me Home...


to Paradise.

AUG 17 2004, THINGS YOU KNOW. (Classic EMANUEL)

Aug 17, '04 10:14 AM Things you Know

But you refused to accept it. 

The following are examples of situations you know the answer to but refuse to accept the truth:

Your best friends newborn baby looks more like
your Man than her Baby Daddy

THINGS YOU KNOW
BUT REFUSE TO ACCEPT

Your Boss just told you that if
you are late one more time, you will
be terminated. You have to be at work
at 9, its now 9:03 and you are still
in bed

THINGS YOU KNOW
BUT REFUSE TO ACCEPT

Your new girlfriend just got finished
deep throatin, and lickin your balls
for over an hour and she says this is
her first time.

THINGS YOU KNOW
BUT REFUSE TO ACCEPT

Your daughter is getting kinda fat...
in the stomach area.

THINGS YOU KNOW
BUT REFUSE TO ACCEPT

Your girlfriend suddenly wants
your best friend to hang with you two
more and more.

THINGS YOU KNOW
BUT REFUSE TO ACCEPT

You keep hearing that grinding sound
when you hit your brakes but continue
to drive

THINGS YOU KNOW
BUT REFUSE TO ACCEPT

You find some panties in you
man's car and he tells you
he bought them for you.

THINGS YOU KNOW
BUT REFUSE TO ACCEPT

Your 12yr old child
has more money than
you

THINGS YOU KNOW
BUT REFUSE TO ACCEPT

Its been three months
and no period, and you've
had unprotected sex -three months
ago

THINGS YOU KNOW
BUT REFUSE TO ACCEPT

Your man comes home smelling
of pussy and you still give him
and hug and a KISS!

THINGS YOU KNOW
BUT REFUSE TO ACCEPT

He fucked you and now
you can't reach him by
phone, email, carrier pigeon,
nada.

THINGS YOU KNOW
BUT REFUSE TO ACCEPT

When you two are alone
you are his WOMAN, but when
you are around his friends and
family, you are his "friend"

THINGS YOU KNOW
BUT REFUSE TO ACCEPT

The sack of weed has more seeds
than weed and you still buy it

THINGS YOU KNOW
BUT REFUSE TO ACCEPT

You come home and the
locks are changed. She
said she was gonna do
it but you didn't believe
her

THINGS YOU KNOW
BUT REFUSE TO ACCEPT

AND FINALLY

You come home and find
your man and his best (guy)
friend in the house in nothing
but their boxers. They tell you
that they were hot. Its DECEMBER.

THINGS YOU KNOW
BUT REFUSE TO ACCEPT.

AFTER MUCH THOUGHT...

Ok...I've decided to post some old blogs that range from 2004 to 2009.  


Now...since I plan on publishing a book of My poetry...it would be like...really stupid of Me to post all that..


then...no one would have any reason to buy the book...right?


so...what I is gonna do.. is post two entries from each year.  one poetic..one..of My thoughts at that moment in time.


I think it might be interesting.


sooo....let the walk...begin.

(OLD BLOG) IT SHOULDN'T BE THIS HARD. 1/25/05

 When I wrote this in 2005...I had been in GA for 25 days and already...the GA dating curse...had begun. hahaha


IT SHOULDN'T BE THIS HARD
 Jan 25, '05 3:01 PM


LIFE IS SUPPOSED TO BE SIMPLE. FILLED WITH LIL UPS AND DOWNS AND TRIALS AND PITFALLS. FOR SOME REASON..I'VE BEEN CURSED. I CAN'T SEEM TO HAVE A BASIC FRIENDSHIP BECAUSE THEY SOON WANT MORE. I CAN'T HAVE A FRIENDSHIP WITH ANOTHER MALE CAUSE OF JEALOUSY OR THAT COMPETITION SHIT. I MEET PEOPLE ONLINE AND THEY GET WAY TOO ATTACHED TO ME AND DON'T KNOW ME AND THEN I GET JUDGED OR CRITICIZED FOR SHIT I DO IN MY FUCKIN LIFE. 


I CAN'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT JEALOUSY OR INSECURITIES AFFECTING IT. I'M ALWAYS A GOOD CATCH BUT I'M ALWAYS THE ONE WHO'S BLAMED OR HURT IN THE END. I'M SO FUCKING TIRED OF PEOPLE THINKING THEY KNOW ME OR PUTTING THEIR TWO CENTS IN ON THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT THEY HAVE NO RIGHT TO ADDRESS. I'VE BEEN HURT SO MANY TIMES ITS ABSOLUTELY INSANE AND NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I TELL PEOPLE..THEY EXPECT ME TO "LET IT GO" AND MOVE ON..BUT..THEY THEMSELVES ALWAYS USE THEIR PAST PAIN AS AN EXCUSE AS TO WHY THEY FUCK ME OVER AND TO MAKE SHIT MORE CRAZY...I, IN THE END, AM THE ONE WHO'S BLAMED BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO LEAVE THAT SITUATION BECAUSE I LOVE ME MORE THAN THE BULLSHIT.


WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT?????? WHY ME???????? I'M LOVED SO MUCH YET TREATED AS IF I HAVE DISPOSABLE EMOTIONS. I'M SUCH A GOOD MAN..BUT THIS GOOD MAN IS ALWAYS SHITTED ON. I SAID A WHILE BACK THAT I WASN'T GONNA BITCH AND MOAN ABOUT THIS SHIT ANYMORE BUT DAMN.....IT JUST WON'T STOP.


EVERYONE THINKS THEY KNOW ME AND NO ONE EVER ASKS ME WHO I AM, WHAT I FEEL. AND WHEN I TELL THEM THEY ARE WRONG..THEY TELL ME I'M WRONG...NOW WHO SHOULD KNOW ME? ME OR THEM...I VOTE FOR ME. AND BOY...HOW ANGRY THEY GET WHEN I TELL THEM THEY DON'T KNOW ME. I GUESS I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM AND I SHOULD LISTEN TO THE MASSES.


ITS CRAZY..I'VE MOVED TO A NEW CITY/STATE, WITHIN A WEEK, GOT A NEW APT. I'VE SURVIVED A NASTY LIL RELATIONSHIP, SNOW AND BULLSHIT. I CAN ACCOMPLISH JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING BUT LOVE. THE ONE PART OF MY LIFE THAT SUCKS BIG DICK. I CAN'T GET A PERSON TO UNDERSTAND ME FOR SHIT. 


OH..AND IF ONE MORE PERSON SAYS THEY ARE SORRY TO ME AND THEN DO THE SAME SHIT, I'M GONNA FUCKIN EXPLODE. SORRY MEANS SORRY. SORRY DON'T MEAN SORRY FOR THIS MOMENT AND THEN DO IT AGAIN WITHIN TWO HOURS.


MAYBE ITS ME...MAYBE I SHOULDN'T BE HONEST AND REAL. MAYBE I SHOULD USE AND DOG AND LIE AND USE EXCUSES AS TO WHY I CAN'T DO SHIT. FUCK THAT. 


I'VE MET SOME ONLINE FOLKS OUT THERE THAT READ MY JOURNAL AND ASSUME THEY KNOW ME..WELL..THEY ARE FAR OFF THE MARK. YEAH..I'M SENSITIVE, YEAH..I'M CRAZY FOR PUTTING MY LIFE AND FEELING OUT THERE FOR ALL TO SEE. BUT TO REALLY KNOW ME...YA GOTTA LISTEN TO ME, UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK I'M SAYING, AND THEN...HERES THE BIG ONE..RESPECT MY FEELINGS. DON'T SHIT ON MY FEELINGS CAUSE THEY DON'T MATCH YOURS.


ANYWAY..I HAD TO VENT THAT OUT MY SYSTEM. I GET SO TIRED OF BEING SOMETHING I'M NOT OR BEING VIEW AS SOMETHING I'M NOT. I'M SO TIRED OF PEOPLE LYING TO ME JUST TO BE WITH ME. ALL THAT MEANS IS I'M KICKIN IT WITH SOMEONE WHO'S FAKE. ITS NOT REAL AND I THINK I SHOULD BE GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO KNOW WHO I DEALING WITH. ITS ONLY FAIR. WHEN A PERSON LIES ABOUT WHO THEY ARE JUST TO BE WITH ME..I KNOW THEY DON'T KNOW ME CAUSE IF THEY REALLY KNEW ME..THEY'D KNOW THAT I DON'T JUDGE. IF I LIKE YA..I'M DOWN FOR YA. MAYBE THATS A CONCEPT THATS HARD TO UNDERSTAND IN THESE TIMES OF MISTRUST AND LIES.


WELL..I FEEL BETTER. 


ITS NEWPORT TIME.

IF LOVE......

If love is a crime...
then I should be doing Life.

cause... I love ....Love.

even though it sometimes cuts like a knife.

If Love was a Job...I'd be workin overtime.

To work hard...and sweat for Love...is so..sublime.

If Love...was Home...

I'd lock the doors...and throw away the key.

It would be...just Love...and Me.

If Love were a Drink....

I'd never have a empty glass.

I'd be pissy drunk...fallin on My ass.

If Love could be touched...

I would hold it for all eternity

Press it into My body till it becomes a part of Me.

If Love...

If Love...

If Love...

Was a Crime...

I'd be doin time.

on top of time.

with...

xtra....time.

Cause.... 

I love...LOVE.

E.c. 12012012

BLAH BLAH BLAH AGAIN

Hmmm...

Sitting here drinking some coffee.  Getting ready for this chilly night to come upon Me.  Thinking.  Thinking....Thinking.

Isn't it amazing how many things...one can think about at one time?  Your brain can process...numerous thoughts..and...can process any sounds around you...and do all this..and keep you sane at the same time.  Now...  that's some amazing shit.

Emanuel's Blog Trivia:  I play a certain mix of music when I write My blogs.  It helps My brain release My thoughts.  Hey...if it works...don't fuck with it... right?

Sometimes I think that I am so different in My thinking and in My "vision" of how Life..and all within it are...that people can't...relate to My odd..ness.  Then I think that thats bullshit.  Folks get Me.  Folks may not understand Me...but they get Me.  And yeah...I may be Odd...different...a bit...to the left.. but I'm consistent in My...odd..ness. hahaha

Tang.  I really want some Tang.

The past couple of days...I've had a hard time finding Internet porn that is interesting enough to "spark" that...self abuse fire.  Now...either Internet porn is getting boring...or I've actually watched all the GOOD Internet porn.  Ha!

Unless people have experienced it personally..they don't understand the "Divine" revelation.  When GOD...literally "shows" you things.  Especially things that make you question your own sanity...GOD will reveal the missing pieces to the puzzle and suddenly....its all clear...and you no longer wonder..you no longer question....you no longer yearn for answers that you really won't get.  And I'm so thankful that I have that "connection" with GOD and he gives Me Divine Revelation.  Cause...they way this World is going...there is so much shit that can literally make ya go crazy. hahaha

Today...I have a Big Mac.  Now..to most..that ain't a big thang..but see..I haven't had a Big Mac in over 8 or 9 months.  And....it tasted...kinda...chalky to Me?  It was good...but I guess I expected better???

Ok...soooooo...Gamestop I did go.  And..a game I did buy.  And...a game I will play tonight till I have to leave.  Now..the sad thing is that I'm on the last chapter of the current game I'm playing but..I'm gonna table that...and start this new one.  Freedom has its perks.

Emanuel looks HOT in a Kufi.  Yes he does. 

So far,...2012 has been very..."active".  Lots of shit has happened in 12 days.  Some good...some bad...some just plain...crazy and confusing and some...very promising.  So..if its true that how you start out a year..is how the year will be..  I won't be bored..at alllll. hahaha

Love.  Its a interesting emotion.  You want to feel it...knowing that more than likely..that feeling might bring you pain...but you go for it anyway...and when the pain does come...you go thru it...but you also....miss...the love that brought the pain.  What kind of shit...is that? hahaha

Did I mention... Emanuel looks HOT...in a Kufi.  Like....really really...HOT.

Sometimes I wonder.. Does the WORLD care..about the WORLD???  Cause...things are soooo fucked up these days.  People just don't give a fuck about hurting others with guns...knives...and even .. words. 

I firmly believe that negative energy is absorbed by the Earth...and that energy is released back into the atmosphere.  And as it grows and grows...things are gonna get crazier and crazier.  And right now...if you read the NEWS ... you'll see some really crazy shit.  Like... a lot..a...LOT of children/babies are being killed or are missing.  What kind of deviant soul...hurts a innocent child/baby???  And this is becoming a every day...occurrence.

Soooo...maybe all this negative energy will grow to a breaking point...and that breaking point will be December 21, 2012....and on that Day...the World will purge all this negative energy and the people along with it.

Ok...I know....too deep for the masses.
hahaha.

And on that note...  I shall leave blog world and get ready to enter gamer world.

cause....

that's what I wanna do.

ciao.

HE SPEAKS TO ME.

When I don't know what to do...he speaks to Me.

When I don't think I can make it thru...he speaks to Me.

When My shoulders are heavy with the weight of Life...he speaks to Me.

When I question the purpose of My Life...he speaks to Me.

When the pain is to much to bear...he speaks to Me.

When I just...don't...care... he speaks to Me.

When tears fall from My eyes...he speaks to Me.

When I feel that I want to die...he speaks to Me.

In the middle of the Day...he speaks to Me.

When I face Mecca and begin to pray...he speaks to Me.

When I hide from Allah in shame...he speaks to Me.

When I attempt to deal with things without calling HIS name...he speaks to Me.

I testify..there is no GOD but Allah

I testify..there is no GOD but Allah

I testify..there is no GOD but Allah.

Cause whenever I need HIM...

He speaks to Me.

E.c. 20120111

Dr. BLOG

10 years.  Wow.  10 years of blogging.  Its like....blogging is My therapy.  Its like...some weird kinda medicine for My soul.

A place where I can take My mental thoughts and place them on a tangible medium...where I can see...what..and how I feel.

And once I post it...its like....I release.

ahhhhhhhh.

I sometimes go back to My earlier blogs on Livejournal and look at how I've progressed in thoughts..and views..and...poetry.

And although I've grown in a major way...that "core" of Me...  has remained the same.  So...I guess I can honestly say...that I really do stand for what I believe in.  and....

I've also changed a LOT..in My thinking and how I view life as a whole.

And although..for about a year, I kinda stopped blogging...  I felt a void and I had to find a blog site so I can ... release.

And ya know... I must really have a blog jonz..addiction...need, cause... this frickin site has stopped using I.E. as its  browser and now..its a bit of a process to post.  But...that poses a challenge..and I love...a challenge.

I think...if I couldn't blog... I'd go quietly insane cause I'd have so much in My head..it would explode from overcrowding. hahaha

Anywriter;  I thank the gods of blogging. You keep Me sane. You give Me a purpose. You...provide Me a place to release.

And I....need....to release.

I love you Blog.  Hug Me.

FLATLINE ________________

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FEELINGS...NOTHING MORE THAN FEELINGS

I will forever be confused... 

How we as Human Beings want to be understood.  How we want others to take our feelings into consideration.

And...it really shouldn't be a gender issue.

Both...Male and Female...have feelings.

If...I care...and I am asked to do something for someone... I have a choice to do it or not.  If I do...do it...  I...Me...personally... will do it with quality and caring.

If...I ask.. I guess...I expect the same.

But is it a crime...to expect a certain level of....caring from a person you request something from?

Does that...diminish who you are?  or..does that make you less of a woman or man?

Ok..  I ask for someone to give Me a dollar.  Now...there are two ways to give that dollar.  You can say "here"...and hand it to Me.  or..  You can throw it at Me and say..."here".  Its all in the delivery.  Cause trust Me...if ya throw it at Me...  I'm givin it back no matter how much I may need it.

Its really funny,  how we...as humans...  blame others...because others....have feelings.  They make people feel that feeling...is a bad thing.

But...when the other side of a person comes out...then they are uncaring...violent...evil...heartless.

So....where do you go?  What do you do?

You're like Michael Jackson hanging on the wire pole singing.."You can't win".

If a person brings up something they feel strongly about...its because...they "feel" strongly about that thing.

instead of mocking them...for feeling.

Feel with them...  like you'd want them to feel with you...and your feelings.

Last time I read...  a Human body with no feelings...  is a Zombie.

and y'all know damn well...

Izzz...hates Zombies. hahahahaa

LIKE A DEJA VU OF A DEJA VU

Welllllllll....

All I can say is: I am thru.  Done.  Over done...well done.

Nothing like a good slap in the fuckin face early in da morning.

But....its nothing new.  And....there is more to come.  Cause....I've been down this road so many times...its like....normal.

So....I'll update this nlt six months from now.  Cause...it always takes about...six months or sooner.

I did a blog earlier about things not in sync...something not right?

and I'll be dipped.  I was right.

Revelation.....  love the vison it brings.

Coffee.  I need coffee.

DRUNK. DRUNK...DR...UNK.

Ya know....

Funny thing bout life.  No...  not life.

Funny thing about....Love. 

no...not love.

Funny thing about... showing you give a fuck about people.  Yeah...that's it.  Showing you give a fuck.  Its....what you're supposed to do right?  You're supposed to let folks know...they are special or appreciated or....they stand out in the crowd that is...in your life.

You're supposed to do that...right?

But...when you do..  you like... open up a part of yourself.  You kinda like...expose a part of you...that has...a weak spot.  Cause...folks can now....take aim at that spot...thru that opening...and they can ....  hurt  ya.  Damage ya.  Fuck ya up and then...walk the fuck away.

Soooo....here is the comedy that is... caring.

You meet...you like...you open up...you take down bricks that have protected you behind the walls you built...and just as soon as you have a hole wide enough to feel the fuckin breeze of happiness...

they fuckin stab yo ass and...run.

so now....

thicker bricks.  thicker wall. 

now....

the fuck you attitude is  turned up.

and the real ass kicker?????

when the story is told...it won't be them...who is fucked.  noooo..its gonna be....you.

cause...you....gave a fuck.  you...cared.  you weak..pathetic...bitch ass.

like...check this out.

so...

i was gonna stop and get you something to snack on...but I forgot.

i was gonna make you something..but I forgot.

i was gonna stop and get you something to eat...but i forgot.

oh..and that special meal you cooked for me...ummm ... i forgot what you made.

ok..so...I get it.

you fuckin forgot...I ain't important enough for you to remember.  And ...since I NEVER FUCKIN asked for you to do shit...

why the fuck do you find it necessary to tell Me you forget to do shit for Me...that I haven't even asked for?

Cause...you want me to know....just how little...you care???

but hey....ya never forget to come get some dick now do ya?  nope.  always remember that. 

wait....

I th ink I got off track somewheres.

Ok..I'm back.  Had to pee.  Gawd..that felt good.

anywho....

Listen My Bretheren...and listen good.

Harden your hearts.

Show no emotion.

Show no sign...that you care.

Do absolutely nothing special.

Keep shit....basic...and...well...basic.

And when it comes to the dick...give good dick..but don't give.....damn good dick.

They'll only cock block ya from getting some new pussy while all the time...they really don't give a fuck about you...just the really good dick. 

Ok....not really sure where that came from....but then again...I do?

Bottom line... 

I'm drunk.  Like....not legal to drive drunk.  Like....I ....  I need to chill the fuck out...drunk.

Oh....soooo...My two Kufis and My prayer beads came today.  Love the Kufis.  Sooooo....I think I'll be doing muco bizness with the Muslim Bookstore.  Me likes them and their fast service.  I orded it last Wednesday and it came today??? Kewwwwwl dude.

Sooooo....anywayses...

Love....FUCK YOU.

Caring...FUCK YOU.

Opening up and trusting...FUCK YOU TOO.

Build walls.

Thick..wall.

Protect your hearts and minds.  Cause in these days and times....ain't nobody really real.  Its all about...what you got.  Be it material...financial...or...sex. 

I gotta go do something...

cauese its hard to type ths shit.